I keep forgetting high school is not over.
I want so badly to move on to other things that it constantly slips my mind that I still have Social Studies homework. That I still have to deal with poorly done posters about environmental science. That I still need to wake up at 6:45. That all the work I've been letting pile up has not simply dissipated.
Oops. Let's hope I pass everything that remains in these last nine days of class.
God, Criminal is such a good song. I sense a Fiona Apple phase coming on.
*The devil wants to know.
Writing poems in French is hard.
I cut my hair again because I was in a bad mood. I don't like it, and now there are little magenta hairs all over everything.
A fundamental flaw of my personality: I love getting my hair cut, and I don't like having really, really short hair.
Augh. This week has sucked. Thanks, sinus infection and manic depression! Bitches.
a weekend of many ups and downs. (+/-)
Friday:
feeling sick (-).
The Life Aquatic, finally (+).
worrying about being too young (-).
sleep (+).
Saturday:
awesome costume shop transvestite (+).
being a bitch while standing in line (-).
inexplicably getting in to an 18+ show (+).
waiting a bazillion hours for the show to start (-).
discovering that Mars Black, the opener for Bright Eyes/the Faint is a totally awesome rap group (+).
sweaty guys (-).
that one guy who definitely came just to see Mars Black and knew all the words, including "how many licks to the center of this bitch?" (+).
the Faint having the bass way too loud (-).
DANCE PARTY (+).
almost getting squashed (-).
electric violin! and cello! (+)
almost heatstroke (-).
Bright Eyes (+).
Bright Eyes playing 11 songs off Digital Ash (-).
Neely O'Hara (+)!
lights blinding my face (-)
Lover I Don't Have to Love (++).
the show being over before we expected (-).
sleep (+).
Sunday:
sleeping late (+).
retarded fashion shows with Emily (-, and yet...?).
STAR WARS (+)!
listening to Erenberg family freakouts (-).
lying among piles of clothes and comic books (+).
rushing (-).
not having money (-).
having to go home and whining about it (-).
crying in Jamaica station (-).
realizing I left my phone at Daniel's (-).
the already hour-long train ride extended by going half-way and then going all the way back to JAMAICA for some confusing construction reason (-).
not being able to call my parents and tell them this (-).
them not being annoyed (+).
Books 3 and 4 of Preacher (+).
feeling sick (-).
Today:
possible sinus infection and the gross pain involved (-).
staying home from school (+).
I doubt anyone read all that, but hey, whatever. I left some things out anyway.
Finally. This afternoon was a much-needed session of chillaxin'. Lori came over and we cut/dyed my hair. It's now shorter, uneven, and fuschia. When my camera starts working again, you'll see. There were lots of StrongBad emails and synchronized napping. Good stuff.
I have essentially fourteen days of classes left. Of high school. Ever.
I'm still waiting for that desire to let these days stretch on eternally, to be seventeen forever. You know, the one people always talk about. But no. I can hardly wait.
The Dresden Dolls cover of Hallelujah is amazing, even though nothing can top the original. Sigh.
"Gravity plays favorites. I know because I saw. Honest to God, officer, it's awful. Down at work, I'm getting too familiar with the floor, trading in my talents by the mouthful. Hate to break it to you, but it's out of my control. Forces go to work while we are sleeping."
-the Dresden Dolls, Gravity
Those were the first notes roared from her lips. If songbirds could growl and be lions, if half an angel was crying in the dirt... Amanda Palmer's voice tears me utterly apart.
And he crashes his soul into those drums. He does. He makes contorted joyous angry miming faces and turns his body to a doll. He becomes an entity of flashing teeth and red red lips and flying dripping hair and brutal sticks. I gave Brian Viglione oatmeal cookies for his birthday. (With my duckies Kristin and Lori, of course.)
I endured ten hours in a car for this show (Clifton Park is slightly north of Albany), and it was well worth it. I nearly cried, I nearly came, I nearly fainted. Somewhere in there my heart broke and fastened itself together in new ways. And oh yeah, they covered David Bowie. Seriously kids, if you ever, ever get a chance to see the Dresden Dolls live, do so.
Now I need to write a bazillion pages for Government.
PS: Lori took lots of pictures!
This week I've been working on actual canvas for the first time in my life. It's incredible. So far beyond the paper and cardboard I've been playing with. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I've fallen in love with paint on cloth. I would do this every day of my life if I could.
I need to get rich so I can afford all these necessary supplies. And I need to finish two abstract paintings by the 16th.
(also exciting: I am seeing the Dresden Dolls this Saturday, and Bright Eyes next Sunday, and hopefully Devo in the summer sometime! I love concerts. Also, I am getting a job in the Book Warehouse, hopefully.)
ps: I am awesome because I am going to the same college as Indiana Jones
AP exams finally over. Maybe free time now? But no! I am getting a job.
Looking at this, I realized that someone else has my secret too.
"The cup was emptied and would never be filled again. Was that a matter for regret? No, I did not regret the past. My regret was for the present day, for all the countless hours and days I lost in mere passivity and that brought me nothing, not even the shocks of awakening. But, thank God, there were exceptions."
-Hermann Hesse, Steppenwolf
I wonder if I have quoted this here before. I'm approaching the home stretch of high school. AP exams this week and early next. I need to get through those and my calculus final and then I'll be done. There are about 30 days of class left.
I recently, and hopefully* temporarily, lost a friend. In the metaphoric sense.
I somewhat less recently, and hopefully* far less temporarily, gained a lover. In the metaphoric sense, at least if you, reading this, are a member of my immediate family.
My school is beautiful, all gothic towers and clever-but-spacey deans and cute girls from back in New York and art lectures that are actually interesting and clubs I want to join. I'm fucking thrilled, although I'm afraid of leaving certain things (and people) behind.
I tried to dye my hair blue, failed, wound up with a weird mix of blonde and brown and grey and green and blueish. The upcoming plan is black and cherry red.
*I realize that I, like most everybody, use the word hopefully wrong, or at least not how it was originally intended to be used. It means "in a hopeful way", not "it is to be hoped". But it sounds like what I want it to mean, and I'm pretty sure some bitch brought this up in one of the Babysitter's Club books I read in grade school.
