June 30, 2004
I like to look people in the eye, strangers, as I pass them in the street.
it makes them shiver, sometimes. but only the pretty ones, I confess.
it makes me feel less ...intangible.
June 29, 2004
June 28, 2004
yes.
this has been a good start to summer, and that's probably somehow related to why I don't quite feel like posting.
June 27, 2004
I love you.
slept until 4 pm again today, delicious, delicious.
be warned; there is a beast of a post coming soon, there are vanity clouds on the horizon; What I Did This First Real Week of Summer, Bitches.
I think I'm gonna go take my little brother bowling. I want to know who he is before he gets old and turns into someone else, you know?
SNEEZING! UNCONTROLABLE! two Ls?
June 25, 2004
prom 04, second try
this week is too ridiculous to post about before it's over. give me a few days.
these may bore you if you don't go to my school, but, my site so fuck y'all.
more as they're uploaded, and in semi-chronological order,
prom pictures:
if I were I small child, I would have been afraid of me. or something.
my mom says I look like a bird on crack.
me and bri
kelly, jesse, me, bri
I look retarded again, but hey, Brittany's hot and Matt is a damn fine pimp.
james, mike, steve f, ?, nick, matt, alex, greg, jesse, brian
katie h.
tim & jill (she made their outfits)
I think the girl on the left is named Kim. I also think she was very drunk. Next to her: Amy, me, and Katie.
June 23, 2004
4 : 17 p m
this is just to document that I have just woken up. a primus-related post will come later, when I am somewhat conscious.
wow
Les Claypool, you've just been added to my list of musicians to rape.
I am listening to 1920s music, and feeling very, very tired, and ridiculous.
June 22, 2004
New: Ritual Size
my brother on potato chip bag marketing: if it was inside-out, only the goths would buy it! all silver and stuff. they'd have to make Ritual Size bags, with the labels all... Satan-y.
I love my brother, despite the fact that he scratched my face and made it bleed while we were playing basketball. yeah, whatevs.
PRIMUS TODAY, MOTHERFUCKERS.
June 20, 2004
20jun4, 6
he said something, claiming to be incapable of love, he made lies about me true, as always.
he said nothing, but didn't flinch when blood was drawn.
he said something while meaning something else.
I can only write sad songs with bad lyrics, and letters go dry in hot sun misuse. I am trying too hard, I am trying too hard to care too much and too little. I am worrying about the right things and acting on the wrong ones. I am eating too many things that are bad for me, and plastic love will give me cancer.
there are children playing in the street, children playing. my brother is among them, if he isn't or not.
it's sometimes hard for me to go outside, sometimes harder to stay in. I sleep a lot. it's not really sleep. I've been dreaming about students with lettuce for faces, and feeling awkward for other people. chocolate goodbyes; reality denies me some things sometimes.
brain leaks gentle whisper hint perfume apple blossom peelings in orchid gypsy monoliths, onto my pillow, onto your pillow.
we are constantly trying to identify ourselves with a cultural minority. we want to avoid the majority because they're bastards, but we're too afraid to be alone. that's why there are those punk kids you know before you've met. (that's what my father said when I almost fell down the stairs late at night.)
maybe I shouldn't say some things that I say. but I've always held the right to babble higher than anything else.
my mother is on the phone. "She's changing her name... it's kind of like... Mystical Judaism." I lower foolish Japanese music to hear better, but she grows quiet. it's her mother on the phone.
and the overweight boys play basketball outside. I'm cold.
June 19, 2004
(sharks and watercolors)
so i wound up not playing at the show, but there will be plenty more shows this summer. (actually, sometime in August -the 24th maybe?- there's going to be a spoken word show at the NSPLibrary, I'm excited.) it was a good show though, despite some overly emotive moments. Jon K, the Doldrums (not only an awesome name, but some of the best lyrics I've heard in quite a while and a cool artrock feel), Chris the Wayback Machine, Wooly and Robby Rob's latest project- I can't remember the name, but it's the Latin name for the common Thresher shark. I love that several of my friends are obsessed with marine science metaphors.
and it finally happened. I knew that it would eventually, since I've befriended and sometimes dated many musicians, but I thought I had avoided it for now. A song about me. A song about me, breaking up with someone cool. I don't really regret how things went, but I felt a little shitty, it was a pretty depressing song. But at least it was beautiful. That made me happy.
right now at this moment, my feet are sticky. Campfire, wine spilled on flip flops, not by but on me.
I just had a long philosophical discussion with my father about slang, re-inspiring me to get a (potentially useless) degree in sociology/linguistics, and to do reports on internet slang. seriously, there are so many nuances. from teeny boppers to SM fetishists, there is specialized internet slang, and counter-slang.
I should go to bed now, goodnight moon.
(oh, and beware; I may post poetry soon, and am sort of working on a half-ass bunch of songs.) (also- it probably somehow says something about a person to see how they use punctuation with parentheses.)
June 17, 2004
happy 5 a.m. guys.
show at the North Shore Public Library in Shoreham tomorrow (wait, today. either way, Thursday the 17th) at 7 pm. jon k, the wayback machine (chris), hopefully me, the helicopters, a bunch of crazyness. pasty amazing may make an appearance.
why do I feel so awake but exhausted? the sun is coming up somewhere.
June 14, 2004
dream log
opendiary was just getting to be too much of a pain in the ass. so an old group weblog is being revamped and used for the dreamlogging purpose.
June 12, 2004
in another life...
...I would've been a pirate.
today I remembered how much I love boats and water and wind.
who needs sunscreen and solid land?
also, too many boat names are nautical puns. you wouldn't name your child after a bad joke, would you? I guess, if you have a boat like Nauti Girl or Luna Sea or something equally terrible, maybe you would.
also also, I need to practice my Scrabble skillz.
June 11, 2004
last day of school:
oversleep. fro-hawk. omelet with my mother. the last time (this year) doing 4th period homework during 3rd. wiffle ball with mr klein (also, saying goodbye while pretending not be upset that he's going to another district closer to the city). 5 (6?) ice pop like items. last minute soul-baring with a teacher younger than my prom date. stink bombs smoke bombs fire alarms. also- a hot chick's number. getting a good grade despite missed work and missed sleep. watching Erika get taped to a chair. naps of celebration freedom- parts one and two. flowers at my door! more sleep, new guitar string, artsy german movie (the princess and the warrior, good!), and mad friars.
sometimes, it's funny, but I kind of really love life.
June 08, 2004
marmoset! (and CFS)
apparently I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but neither I nor my doctor know what that means.
June 07, 2004
almonds: the preface
a feeling equivalent to the popping of a cork, only more echo echo, know? dramatic re-enactments and I only wish I could read her thoughts. the thought- Zazu in the Lion King, "it starts!," mon frere. what am I saying? that i dreamt about robots and voices and a craving for almonds. one-four-hundred-and-eightieth? I could sleep that long.
writing an interview with Sartre, asking for advice for budding playwrights. also, I have three more nights to burn these candles at both ends and roman goddesses. then what? buses, trains, planes, and pages.
June 06, 2004
fiber reactive
I am currently writing a brief paper on the Chemistry of Dye-ing. I find this somehow beautiful.
the dangerous lives of altar boys
saw this movie last night. it was awesome.
and now I must do crazyinsaneamountsofworkthati'vebeenputtingoffformonthsnow.
June 04, 2004
i speak jive.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't tired. There is no longer Tired and Not Tired, there are simply varying levels of exhaustion. this, darlings, is what I consider normal. also, my hands shake a lot.
SAT IIs in writing, french, and math I tomorrow. for some reason I don't care.
I want to do kung fu this summer. talked to my elementary school best friend on the bus about sparring. I had forgotten what a cool chick Mary is. interesting to note how some things go full circle, and other things really, really don't.
sleeeeeeeeeeeep.
June 03, 2004
tengo/moose
last night/this morning, I dreamt that I was trying very hard to impress someone with a Yo La Tengo t-shirt I was wearing. the design isn't one I've ever seen, a sort of 70s font baseball shirt thing. there were several people there, none of whom I recognized, though one of them (not the one I was trying to impress) resembled this guy Arthur I met at the Moose Lodge.
oh yeah, did I tell you guys Chris and I went to the Moose Lodge sometime-in-the-past-coupla-weeks? It was quite possibly the coolest thing ever. middle-aged men jokingly sat on each others laps to my left while they compared SAT scores. (apparently that shit never ceases to haunt you.) ridiculous androgynous obese being playing cards. whiskey sours and cigars, and stories that didn't go anywhere. calling myself an adult, calling myself a writer, laughing to myself and everyone else. I never found out if the Elk Lodgers are friends or foes. I can visualize both a strong alliance/army of antlered beings, and a bitter, bitter rivalry. Anyone know?
June 02, 2004
mohawking
with my current combination of hairstyle and glasses, I feel I should be kicking my own ass.
