hanging out with people you knew years ago, surprised to realize they're taller, have chest hair or nice hips, and still talk about sex constantly, but in a different way from three or four or eight years ago. startled into liking the semi-adults you knew as children.
waiting, anticipating the beginning of yet another start. I do this every year, begging for the structure that isn't one, hoping too hard to turn myself around. I've been this way since sixth grade, smarter than the teacher but still gaining mediocrity. this year I'll do my work, this year I'll take advantage of these opportunities before they're gone. this year I'll get my shit together before I fall apart.
and then I try reading the essay I need to react to in writing in the next few days. I underline certain phrases because I like them, because I understand them. pinpoints in the fog, if you will. There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn, that kind of thing. There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night. You know how we roll. but when I look at these green xerox'ed pages, trying to understand Camus' general meaning, I melt. I think, what am I doing, trying to form an opinion when I don't know what's going on?
wait, that's what I always do. that's why I don't have favorite things, and shopping with me is an indecisive disaster.
yesterday I bought navy blue corduroy pants. yes.
Posted by samantha at September 2, 2004 02:45 PMsweetie
shopping was fun with you...cause yr cute
dont be sad your no where near mediocre...and you do have favorite things
Posted by: christopher at September 3, 2004 09:13 AM“pinpoints in the fog” Beautiful.
Posted by: charles at September 3, 2004 09:48 AMgood point hun, I have hyacinths and Demian, if nothing else.
and thank you charles (with a fake french accent)
Posted by: samantha at September 3, 2004 11:27 AM